Saving the TA-TA’s

A few months ago, a friend and coworker lost her battle after her third recurrence of breast cancer.  She was a wife, mother, foster parent, and committed Christian.  I don’t know the history of her disease since she rarely talked about it in any detail at all.  I do know that some types of cancer are more aggressive than others.  And, like most of you, I know that the earlier you catch any kind of cancer, the better chance you have.  What I didn’t know was that 1 out of every 8 of us ladies will get some form of breast cancer in our lifetime.  Really, I didn’t know that the numbers were so high until I read a brochure in the mammogram office today.   

I scheduled an overdue mammogram at a new center after seeing the ramifications of the disease in my friend’s life.  I have been way too casual about going well past the yearly requirement.  This is my story of taking more responsibility for myself.  it should be read with a sense of humor!

First of all, the staff didn’t seem to know that this was any big deal.  I arrived at 8:23 for an 8:30 appointment.  After all, don’t you normally go a little early for paperwork?  Apparently not.  The lights were on, but the door was locked.  I knocked several times.  At 8:31, a young woman came to the door (I could see her through the sidelights) in answer, I thought, to my knock.  She inserted a key, unlocked the door and scrurried back quickly to get behind the reception glass!  I guess I thought that she would actually open the door after leaving me knocking for seven minutes.  Silly me.  Okay, so I got over it.  At least, I thought, she’s just the receptionist.  It could be worse, she could be doing my mammogram. 

Guess what? No, I’m not kidding.   

Okay, so I hear the spiel about undressing from the waist up, putting on the gown so it opens in the front, and wiping off any deodorant.  I’m not excited.  After all, who wants to go have their boobs squashed flat?  Of course it was really fun when she helped me position myself by handling the girls like they were an uncooked meatloaf that she could shape to her desire. (Note to my dear one, the techniques are not to be emulated….) Then, before each of the four films to be made, she would say “Hold your breath.”   I’m pretty sure I set some sort of breath-holding record since I started as soon as she lowered the top plate using the “squash it like a pancake” setting.  The pain caused me to do it automatically.  What can I say.  Unfortunately, I’m not an “A” cup!  But, apparently can hold my breath for quite awhile.  I wonder if that’s an Olympic event???

I had to wait a couple of minutes while she made sure the films were adequate.  That was when I got the entertainment part of the visit.  Someone in the office was thoughtful enough to make fun of a patient’s phone conversation with them at the top of their lungs.  That allowed me, down the hall and behind a closed door, to hear it without straining.  The woman imitated a very country dialect and mocked the woman’s ignorance.  I now know how long it was since HER last mammogram.  So much for HIPPA.  And yes, I did say something to my receptionist/mammographer when she returned.  “OH, my….” was her reply.   I’m thinking about going to a different office next year….

In the long run, I was in and out in about 15 minutes.  Wow!  Fifteen minutes once a year, and only five of those minutes are actually uncomfortable.  Fifteen minutes and a procedure that could save my life.  Ladies, if you are over forty OR have a family history of breast cancer, have you had your annual mammogram? 

 Proverbs 18:9 Amplified Version  ….he who does not use his endeavors to heal himself is brother to him who commits suicide.

A House Divided

I live in a divided house right now.  Of course in one way, we’ve been a divided house since my first-born went to college.  She went to UGA and my dear one took some classes at GaTech.  Every fall, they have a standing appointment to watch the annual game together.  And, every year, my dear one suffers the razzing of his daughter when his team goes down in flames.  At times like that the comparison of team IQ’s doesn’t help. 

I wish our division related to football.  Instead, it involves a major family decision.  You know, the ones you don’t make unless you are in agreement?  The funny thing is that I thought we were on the same page.  So did he!  Until it became obvious that we weren’t. 

Families are such an amazing thing.  We’re all different, but we all function best the same way: in unity.  It became apparent in our discussion that we really weren’t that far apart, but even the smallest gap meant that we weren’t in agreement. 

No agreement. No action. 

Now, you should understand that none of this means that the two of us are fighting or in strife.  We just aren’t in the same place.  We have a different thought process, different emotional needs, and different perspectives.   

We are in agreement not to let this divide us.  I know that sounds like a contradiction, but I guess it’s like agreeing to disagree. 

It’s hard not to argue when you don’t agree.  But, what I’ve decided to do is trust that God knows what He is doing and to stay open to hearing from His Spirit.  If either one of us is in error,God will reveal that.  Or if one of us is out of God’s timing, He’ll reveal that too.  I have no doubt of my dear one’s ability to hear from God or his willingness.  In the meantime, we keep the rest of our relationship in harmony.  It’s not important that one of us gets our way.  What is important is the power of unity in a relationship.  Unity keeps us out of trouble, confirms God’s will in our life, and provides a powerful blessing.  Stay in unity, even when it’s hard.  Oh, and “GO TECH, GO DAWGS, or ROLL TIDE, ” whichever is important to you!

Psalm 133: 1-3

Behold, how good and how pleasant [it is] for brethren to dwell together in unity!  [It is] like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, [even] Aaron’s beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments; As the dew of Hermon, [and as the dew] that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the LORD commanded the blessing, [even] life for evermore.

Dreams Revived

For the last day-and-a-half, I have been at the “Extraordinary Women’s Conference” in my town.  I went very reluctantly.  It was promoted in my church for at least a month beforehand.  But, I would pick up the brochures and just have no interest whatsoever.

My Dear One said “You should go.”  So, I would pick up the brochure again, look it over, and register no interest whatsoever.

The friend who was promoting it at church would ask me again saying that she still had the inexpensive version of the tickets.  So, I would pick up the brochure again, look it over, and register no interest whatsoever.

It got closer to time.  My Dear One said, “You should go.”  So, I would pick up the brochure again, look it over, and register no interest whatsoever.

I know, you get the drift.  I really couldn’t have been less interested.  Finally, my Dear One mentioned that a friend of ours was coming in from several states away and was going to the conference.  I perked up.  I still didn’t care about the conference, but I did care about getting to spend some time with her.  And, if I had to go to the conference to do so, I decided it was worth it.  So, I finally bought a ticket.

A couple of days before the conference, our friend turned back in her travels and headed back to her home to deal with her dear one’s medical needs. 

Crap! Now I’d spent the money and felt obligated to go.  A group of us had made dinner and car pool plans.  Guess who was supposed to be the driver….

I couldn’t think of a way to back out gracefully.  Therefore, I went.  I really wasn’t expecting much.  But God is always full of surprises. 

I can’t describe the stories the speakers told.   It would take way too long.  Suffice it to say, GO to one if it comes to your town.  Here are two things I got out of it.  I’ll share more another time.  

 1. God isn’t finished with me.  I need to keep dreaming and expecting God to move in my life.  One of my dreams has always centered around orphans and relief work.  While I was at the conference my husband and I agreed to sponsor a 16 yr. old boy from Uganda.  I even talked to the World Help people with thoughts of being involved more than just sponsoring.  I believe that God isn’t through with my dreams to help orphans.  Psalm 138:8  The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

2. My tragedies and upsets are no surprise to God.  They don’t even derail HIS plan.  But it may mean that what I pray and believe for comes a different way than what I expected.  As a minor part of a bigger upset, I recently felt it necessary to stop singing on the praise team at my church.  I really felt like I had no other right choice to make because of some personal circumstances.  Singing on that team and being a part of the impact of praise on the body really meant a lot to me.  Way more than I know how to convey.  I had wanted to do it for years.  When I finally asked, it was okayed, but it was almost another year before I could because I had lost my singing voice to four months of pertussis.  When I finally got up there, I knew it was God.  All nervousness and fear were gone and in their place was a confidence and joy that is indescribable.  And now, because of circumstances, I saw that dream derailed.  I have grieved that tremendously.  Now, I can believe that this is just a bump on the road.  God will give me other opportunities in other places to exercise the gift He has given me.  I’m looking and expecting God’s plan to come through on that one. 

Isaiah 43:19  Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert.

Have you had a dream derailed?  Or worse, have you stopped dreaming?  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  God is speaking of how even Babylonian captivity won’t derail his plans for his people.  The scripture goes on to say in verses 12-14, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me.  When you seek me with all your heart.”  

Honestly, I really had no interest whatsoever in going.  I couldn’t have dreamed what God had in store for me!

Don’t stop dreaming.  Phillipians 1:6 reassures us …that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.  Maybe your dream has just taken another, better path. 

What are you dreaming?

Wedding Photo

My older daughter sent me this great shot of the wedding.  It actually has all our clan except for her son who refused to be in the photo.  It was such a nice reminder of a lovely day that I thought I would share it.   I’ve included my favotite one of my grandson too, just for fun. 

I

A Five-Year-Old’s Discrimination Story

I had really hoped that we’d all get through the first week of school without any major incidents.  We weren’t so lucky. 

My beautiful granddaughter, age five, is a bright child who reads Harry Potter, plays the violin, knows number places that include the ones, tens, and hundreds, and can tell you about the Mars Rover in detail.  She was born with a physical disability known as a cloacal anomaly, a problem that occurs in 1 in every 20,000 or more live births.  Of all the variations of this, hers is one of the worst.  It is considered one of the most difficult pediatric surgical challenges to correct.  Her surgical history is too much to explain here in a short post.  But, as a result of these procedures, she does not yet have urinary or bowel continence.  As a temporary measure, her parents use large Pull-Ups to deal with this situation.  As you can imagine, they worried about how well she would be accepted in public schools. 

On the one hand, they didn’t have to worry.  Her teacher, principal, school nurse, and the staff are wonderful.  They love her already and she is thrilled to be there.  I can’t say enough about how supportive her teacher has been so far. 

On the other hand, the after-school program, a separately run program that is on-site at her school didn’t do so well.  I picked her up after her first day.  I am amazed that her clothes weren’t soaked since that was one of the wettest Pull-Ups I have ever held.  They didn’t change her.  They admitted that they didn’t check.  They admitted that they were told how to do it by her teacher when she brought her to after-school.  I changed her in front of them to reassure them that, while her anatomy may not look normal, there is hardly any difference in the process of changing her.  They assured me that there would be no problem and responded in detail as to how they would and could handle this need.  They seemed positive and enthusiastic. 

Day two.  Her mother received a call while on her way to pick her up.  She was told that her child could no longer attend after-school since she had a medical problem.  They were okay with Pull-Ups, just not with the “medical problem.”  When she arrived, she discovered that her child was waddling from the pain of being kept in a feces-laden diaper for the two hours she had been there.   She had told her caretakers that she needed to be changed.  When her mother arrived, the two caretakers were sitting at a table talking with only her daughter and one other child present.  She was immediately informed that her child would need to be changed….

She was livid.  My granddaughter had dried feces on her bottom and a severely swollen and bleeding rectum from being unchanged.  It will take a few days for her to return to normal.  We can expect her to cry with every bowel movement until it does. 

So far, we only get lame excuses.  They weren’t comfortable!  THEY had my personal number and the assurance that if there was any problem I would come.  THEY chose to let her sit in feces instead.  Their superiors aren’t any more helpful. 

So, what do you think.  Is this neglect or abuse?  We could turn the other cheek, but, in my granddaughter’s case, both “cheeks” are already involved.

School is in Session

Well, so far, everyone around here is surviving and/or thriving in their new schools.  My youngest seems to be fitting into the flow of high school and comes home happy, a runner’s high from a two-hour practice.  My granddaughter declared her first day “Magnificent,” and is happily reciting all her new friends’ names.  My grandson doesn’t really want to tell me about his school day, but his mom says that he’s okay but would like his old teacher back.  Nothing bad about the new teacher, he would just like things to be the same.  Change is not always the friend of a sensitive soul.  I’m sure that before long his new teacher will have hung the moon and, next year, he’ll want her back too. 

School is in session for me too.  No, I’m not attending, but I am subject to everyone’s schedule.  You know: the drop offs, the pickups, the practices, and soon the meets and programs.  Back to school effects most everyone with children in the family.  So, while I’m asking them the mundane questions like “What did you learn in school today?,”  I have to ask myself something similar. 

Another year looms ahead.  What am I going to learn this year?  What progress in spiritual growth will I see?  I seem to be taking one called “Walking Through Difficult Moments, Advanced Placement.”  There is no standardized test for that at the end of the year.  And, for me, the tests came early.  God has allowed a challenging curriculum in my spiritual walk and beliefs lately.  I think I’m passing, but, if not, fortunately God uses a grading process known as “Grace and Mercy.”  Therefore I don’t have to fear.  Just to learn.  And, just as fortunate for me is the fact that I have a great instructor, the one who took the highest honors in dealing with difficult moments.  My learning opportunities are endless. 

So, what classes are you taking this year? 

Hebrews 4:16

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

The First Day of School

Firsts are always nerve wracking.  Whether you’re the parent, the child, or an adult experiencing one, they don’t get any easier.  In the morning, my youngest child will experience her first day of high school.  She’s understandably excited and nervous.  The two grandchildren start kindergarten.  They feel the same way. 

I feel that way for all of them.

My grandson is an active little man who is fearless about doing things, yet shy around new people.   A first day of school for him involves a lot of new people.  My granddaughter is shy about doing things, but hardly ever meets a stranger.  But, she has medical issues that can get her teased.  My younger daughter is beautiful and doesn’t know it.  She has all the normal teen angst going for her.  She’s also Chinese in a primarily Caucasian and African-American school.  We, her parents, are also Caucasian. 

Each of these three kids have a lot going for them.  They all have their own unique personalities.  Personalities that we hope will find their way socially.  Because of that, both myself and their parents will have a slightly nervous day tomorrow while we wait to get the answer to that universal question, “How was school?”

I’m on my fourth teenager so I have pretty much figured out that all control over their lives ends when they leave the womb, Band-aids don’t fix all boo-boo’s, and someone out there will hurt my child at some point.  Probably at many points.  And now, with the grandkids, it starts all over again. 

We can’t always be there for our kids.  We can love them, give them appropriate support, and pray for them.  But, they are the ones that have to experience and deal with their own lives. 

So, tomorrow I will get up early and drive my daughter to school for the first day.  And then, I’ll pray.  Pray that others are kind, pray that she finds all her classes, pray that her teachers and friends see her heart, and pray that all the older boys are myopic.  At the end of the day, I’ll ask the question.  And fortunately for me, she will probably answer in great detail.  May it always be so!  My children will ask their children the same question.  And we’ll all hold our breath for the answer. 

Ephesians 4:32

And be ye kind one to another….

Avoiding Empty Nest Syndrome

My dear one and I are of an age where we are rapidly approaching the “empty nest” time of life.  Or, so we would like to believe. 🙂  We are on our fourth teenager, and her entry into high school starts in two days.  Our household itself is still large.  Basically, there are seven of us under one roof; ten, if you count the dogs.  I have three in college, one of whom isn’t ours, and now one in high school.  Those three will graduate by or before the youngest hits college, and well, that puts us in countdown mode.  As the mother of four children who range from 14 to 29, this has been a long time coming. 

For two days, we have had an empty nest trial run.  All of our children are out-of-town for various reasons.  It’s so quiet. 

I love it.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I also love it when they all gather here to swim, eat, celebrate, or just hang out.  But, I can handle the quiet.  My dear one and I are happy to just be in each other’s company.  A lot has been written about what couples go through when the last child leaves the nest.  I’m sure that it will be an emotional experience for us too.  But not of mourning or loss.  You see, my goal is to raise independent children.  Anything less is a disservice to them.  With that goal in mind, while my marriage has involved children, it has never been child-centered.  Our relationship with each other as husband and wife has always been the foundation of everything else.  Oh, there are times that we’ve been caught up in the hectic schedule of children, but we have always seen our relationship as paramount. 

Based on my experience I would say that there are three primary things that you need to have to “empty-nest-proof” your marriage:

1. A spouse that you spend exclusive time with on regular dates or other activities.   

2. To see the goal for your children as independence.  Then, when they hit those milestones, it is your victory too.

3. The ability to live your own life, not your children’s. 

So, when my children are out of the nest, I will have done my job.  I look forward to the times I will still spend with them and the additional grandchildren that I am expecting to be blessed with through them.  But, I also look forward to spending more time with just my dear one.  After all, he is my best friend and the love of my life. 

The Rocks Will Cry Out

When Jesus came riding into Jerusalem on a donkey, Luke records that the whole multitude of disciples began to praise God aloud.  When the Pharisees clamored for Jesus to rebuke his disciples, his reply is recorded in Luke 19:40 where he says, “I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.”

This principle of the rocks crying out when something important is suppressed has been on my heart a lot lately.  I think this phenomenon happens in the corporate body of Christ, when we suppress the gifts.  Just like what Jesus told the Pharisees, if we do this long enough, the stones will cry out.  God’s gifts will find expression.  Even through the rocks.

In our own life, we sometimes suppress or fail to use the gifts that God has given us.  If we don’t express our gifts, we and others around us experience a great loss.  And, worse case, it becomes a “use it or lose it” situation.   

I am examining the gifts that God has given me.  Some are in major disuse, especially the vision and creativity that God has given me.  And frankly, I see where that brings about loss in my life.  Recently, as I sought God in this area, I began to re-experience the vision that had been lacking in my life.  I’ve started to look at the ways that creativity needs to come out in my life.  And, I’m looking at what needs to change as a result. 

As an answer to my seeking God, today I remembered a picture taken of me when I was about ten or eleven years old.  I can see it clearly.  I am sitting on my aunt’s back porch swathed in a multitude of long colorful scarves.  I had scrounged them from her attic and used them for dress-up.  I was probably pretending to be something out of the Arabian Nights.  I realize that you probably wonder what this has to do with the subject.  It’s just that I was always a child of great imagination.  Imagination and especially the creating of stories was something I did continually.  God reminded me of this.  He has been prodding me to use those gifts again.  The ability to create a story and spin a tale.  

It’s a gift I’ve neglected.  One of many.  So, I continue to seek God, but also to take action. 

I think it’s important for us to examine our lives for where we’ve suppressed God’s gifts to us.  And then take action. 

Otherwise, listen for the sounds of crying rocks.

Back to School Shopping

I have been indulging, okay dragged kicking and screaming, in the annual back-to-school shopping ritual.  First, I should like to say that it’s possible that I’m not a “true” woman, since I rarely like to shop.  And, pair me with a child with a mind of their own (any child out of infancy and verbal), and I lose it. 

Yesterday and today I shopped with my teenager. 

I’m not sure anything else needs to be said….

Okay, I’ll say it.  Or ask it.  Do I have the only child on the planet who will first drive you crazy about when we are going, and then, once we go, practically refuse to try anything on?  I had to cajole, insist, and down right order her to try things on.  She’d frown, I’d say just try it, and after an obligatory period of resistance which usually included a lot of muttering, she would finally try it on.  Whatever it was.  Then, more than likely, she would like it and we’d buy it.  I felt like a professional shopping wrestler by the time we were done. 

Part way through the day, I decided to accept things.  My daughter is a glass half-empty and I am a glass half-full person.  We will see things differently.  Shopping together will always be a challenge.  Maybe I need to make it less of one.  After all, I can only control my attitude.  I stopped reacting so much to every negative response and just pointed out what was needed or not.  Gave her choices to buy it or not.  Placed boundaries and called for decisions pleasantly. 

I am way too uptight about this kind of stuff.  I need a new mantra.  Something like “Shopping is fun.”  By the end of the day yesterday, we had accomplished that day’s tasks.  Today was easier.  And went faster.  In 35 minutes we had two new pairs of jeans, a vest, and a new shirt.  A world’s record for this duo.  My change in attitude was a big part of that.  What a surprise! 

Now, we’re off to open house.  Finally, along with the rest of our county, we’ll get school supply lists.  So, I can go shopping with my teenager in Wal-Mart with too crowded aisles and crazed mothers trying to conquer the list. 

OR

Maybe I’ll just send her dad with her….

I Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is patient and  love is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails.